my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
