This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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