Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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