we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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