Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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