Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.