Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I feel like our house is getting pulled over.

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  (845): I feel like our house is getting pulled over. http://tfl.nu/fgli
  Replies (15) Good night (1178) Bad night (1430)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

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  (402): Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you. http://tfl.nu/55t9
  Replies (34) Good night (3398) Bad night (948)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule

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  (250): And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule http://tfl.nu/gp5a
  Replies (8) Good night (3627) Bad night (843)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that

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  (778): you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that http://tfl.nu/wgi4
  Replies (6) Good night (1055) Bad night (2882)
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  (760): View more from California

  I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.

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  (760): I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window. http://tfl.nu/drwy
  Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (2209)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.

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  (734): I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel. http://tfl.nu/6ex0
  Replies (8) Good night (973) Bad night (1979)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.

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  (623): Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes. http://tfl.nu/phpt
  Replies (1) Good night (1712) Bad night (865)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Apparently you can coat check a keg.

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  (240): Apparently you can coat check a keg. http://tfl.nu/sdmi
  Replies (4) Good night (2030) Bad night (965)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.

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  (609): get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots. http://tfl.nu/a2ct
  Replies (4) Good night (1369) Bad night (784)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.

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  (317): The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today. http://tfl.nu/2j3f
  Replies (9) Good night (2507) Bad night (833)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.

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  (609): Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people. http://tfl.nu/gli6
  Replies (11) Good night (3331) Bad night (729)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"

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  (337): He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out" http://tfl.nu/q7ym
  Replies (9) Good night (1262) Bad night (847)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.

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  (843): I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least. http://tfl.nu/90gk
  Replies (5) Good night (787) Bad night (350)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"

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  (423): So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY" http://tfl.nu/9gkr
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (277)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me

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  (413): alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me http://tfl.nu/w53h
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (276)

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