i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!