my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they made helmets for livers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left