The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
