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• (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish they made helmets for livers.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his

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  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

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• (518): View more from New York

  All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left

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