Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

Every day of my life.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.

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(619): View more from California

found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(562): View more from California

I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset

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(740): View more from Ohio

I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.

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(229): View more from Georgia

He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.

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