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Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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