WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?