it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
