i think my tv is drunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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