I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
