the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize