The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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