He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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