yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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