And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
