I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
