The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
