Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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