mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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