she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
