i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
