if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
