Already got asked if we're dating
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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