lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?