Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.