And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"