Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.