P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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