i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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