Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
