there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
