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i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
