Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
