i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
