i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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