I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
