Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
