Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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