Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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