we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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