saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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