Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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