"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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