i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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