Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
