i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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