I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well you can't waste a boner
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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