Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
