I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
