just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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