Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
