totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize