I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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