GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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