Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
