and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
