He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
