also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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