It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
