So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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