i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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