whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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